I’ve always been fascinated by magic. Working alongside some of the world’s top magicians, I’ve seen firsthand how a well-executed trick doesn’t just fool people—it changes their perspective. That’s what real magic is: not just deception, but expanding what someone believes is possible.
I still marvel at how my friend Kostya Kimlat fooled Penn & Teller on their show. But what impressed me even more wasn’t just that he fooled them—it was that he changed their understanding of what was possible. They weren’t just entertained; their perception of reality shifted.
Sometimes, as a leader, you have to be the magician. Instead of getting caught up in conflict, arguing, and devaluing yourself or others, you can shift the energy of a conversation—creating something unexpected and constructive.
Magicians don’t think in terms of problems; they think in terms of methods. If you want someone to believe a woman is floating, you use strong, invisible strings. If you want to turn a tense conversation into a productive one, you use a method that redirects emotion and resets the tone.
The technique I’m about to share takes practice. Like any good magic trick, it requires patience and refinement. But once you master it, you’ll have a powerful tool at your disposal. And, let’s be honest—not all problems need to be solved by getting mad and triggered (even though that’s a popular choice).
Here’s how to pull off this conversational magic trick.
Step 1: Pause and Take a Breath
When emotions escalate, the most instinctive reaction is to fire back. That’s exactly what you don’t want to do. The first step is to pause. Just a few seconds of silence can completely shift the energy in the room.
Magic moment: That brief silence makes the other person subconsciously lean in. It’s like a well-placed beat in a great magic trick—it builds anticipation and softens resistance.
Step 2: Label the Emotion
This is where the real misdirection happens. Instead of reacting emotionally, you name what’s happening at the moment:
- “It sounds like you’re really frustrated.”
- “I can tell this is important to you.”
- “It seems like there’s a lot of concern around this.”
Why does this work? Because the brain processes labeled emotions differently. Instead of staying stuck in fight-or-flight mode, the brain shifts toward logical thinking. Suddenly, the other person feels understood, which makes them less defensive.
Magic moment: This is the equivalent of making a coin disappear right in front of someone’s eyes. Their anger starts to dissolve before they even realize what’s happening.
Step 3: Guide the Conversation Forward
Now that the tension has eased, you need to direct the energy somewhere productive. Ask a simple, forward-focused question:
- “What’s the best outcome you’d like to see here?”
- “What do you think would be a fair way to move forward?”
- “How can we work together on this?”
By doing this, you redirect the conversation from frustration to problem-solving. And here’s the best part—when people feel like they’re part of the solution, they become more cooperative.
Magic moment: People rarely argue with their own ideas. When you invite them into the resolution process, they naturally lower their resistance.
Why This Trick Works Like Magic
This method works because it interrupts the expected pattern. Normally, when tension rises, people expect conflict to escalate. Instead, you create a moment of surprise, calm, and redirection. It’s a classic magician’s move—misdirect attention away from the conflict and toward a better outcome.
The best magicians don’t just trick people; they shift perspectives. As a leader, you can do the same. Not every problem needs to be solved through argument and frustration. Sometimes, a well-placed pause, a simple label, and a thoughtful question can transform a tense moment into a breakthrough. Next time you feel a conversation getting heated, don’t react—perform this trick instead. You might just turn frustration into progress, one well-timed move at a time.